remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
