I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
