last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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