So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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