Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
