You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
