Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
