I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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