THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
