So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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