I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
