Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
