He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
