just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
