Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
