someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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