just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
