Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
