The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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