People in love make me want to vomit
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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