No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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