when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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