Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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