she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
