Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
