He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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