There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
