there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
