I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
