All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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