You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize