I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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