I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
