Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
