MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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