Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
