Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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