After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
