need another drink. this is the easiest way
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
