I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
