Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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