just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
