I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
