Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
