Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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