Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
