I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
