wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
