it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
