Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
