I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
