Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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