I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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