tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
