i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
