So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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