We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
