Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
