the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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