please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Be still, my beating vagina.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize