My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
