I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
my liver is dry heaving
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
