all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
