do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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