Fuck appropriateness.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
