My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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