I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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