tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
