dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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