I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
