Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
