the day after is always just damage control
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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