Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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