omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
