If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
