I wish I only lived at night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
