My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
