your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
