so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
