Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We don't watch enough power rangers
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
