I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
