T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
