I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
