i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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