honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
