My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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