I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
