after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
