Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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