just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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