She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize